in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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