Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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