Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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