I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
