Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
