I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
