Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am puke
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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