I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
