I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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