is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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