Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
