We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
