we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
