Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
