my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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