I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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