No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
