just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
