Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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