So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
