youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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