she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
