If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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