Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
