I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
babies were throwing up all over the place
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just pee around me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
