Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
