On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
