just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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