you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
