Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
