Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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