She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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