She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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