i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think my tv is drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
