I smell stomach acid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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