I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
