i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
