I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
