he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
