so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
