I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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