god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
