so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
