Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
