I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
