Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
