It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
