That's intense
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
