theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
