I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
