am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and she was petting her beer can
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
