You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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