i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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