when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
