His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
